


All I Want for Christmas

by heavenlycreatre



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Christmas, Christmas in the Bunker, Destiel Subtext, Gen, Happy Ending, Holiday Mixtape 2017, Light Angst, Memories, Mentions of past child abuse, SPN Holiday Mixtape, Team Free Will, Ugly Holiday Sweaters
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-15
Updated: 2017-12-15
Packaged: 2019-02-15 01:55:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,882
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13020774
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/heavenlycreatre/pseuds/heavenlycreatre
Summary: A mostly fluffy Christmas in the bunker Team Free Will story. Let's pretend that the guys defeat the Darkness but no one is brought back from the dead (mom) or kidnapped (Sam) and Christmas is like right around the corner from there.





	1. DEAN

**Author's Note:**

> I want to thank my friends from FourDeep for always encouraging me to write. All my love to Andie and Steph for pushing me to just freaking get the words out and quit second guessing myself. Thank you to my SPN twitter fam for being amazing and always sending me love and positivity. Happy Holidays!

 

There are some memories we bury on purpose, things we can't cope with or that are just too painful to relive. They reside right next to our good memories. We know they exist but we pretend they don’t.

Then there are the memories we hide deep inside our minds, so deep in our psyches that they leave holes in our timelines. They are the ones that protect our hearts. Those memories, when they surface, blindside us like a Mack truck running over a toad on the road.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Dean was thrown far and fast when one of his deepest memories nailed him from what seemed like out of nowhere...  
Cas with that FUCKING grumpy cat for Claire,  
Cas holding a plush cat,  
Giving it a gentle squish with strong hands,  
That FUCKING cat!

And it all rushed in...  
Four year old Dean holding baby Sam,  
Fear,  
Smoke,  
Lights,  
Sirens,  
Only daddy came out of the house,  
Where was mommy?

A policeman pulled out a stuffed bear from his trunk and he gave it to Dean. The bear was soft and squishy and HIS. He took it everywhere. He slept with it tucked under his arm. He learned how to do stitches on the bear, Dad made him practice. In an alternate universe he could've been a surgeon.

Dean hid the bear from Sammy, it was the one thing he didn't share with his brother. When he was eight he learned to hide it from dad, only babies and girls slept with stuffed animals. The bear was his friend and he made sure to tuck him into his duffel under his clothes and his hunting gear. He hid the bear from dad for a long time. He hid his only friend.

Then Sammy ran away...  
Dad lost his shit...  
He tossed the room, clothes everywhere.  
He tossed Dean, bruises everywhere.  
Dad found the bear. That was the last time Dean saw his friend. He shut it down.

They found Sammy a few hours later and Dean forgot...  
Until he saw that FUCKING cat and it all rushed in and took his breath away.

He saw that childlike wonder as Cas held that stupid cat. He watched those long strong fingers squeeze and stroke the fur. He saw Cas smile when he gave it to Claire; Claire rolling her eyes but never letting go.

They were damaged, all of them broken in places no one should be broken. They were children that never got to be children.

Monsters  
Blood  
Viscera  
Death  
Gore  
Apocalypse  
Demons  
Angels  
God  
Darkness  
Sweat  
Pain  
Torture

Always, this was the life they lived.

And here he was, in the only home he's known since he was four, not a motel, not Bobby’s, not even his Baby. In this new home, a bunker in the middle of nowhere, he let himself believe that maybe he wasn't completely broken, that he and Sammy would be okay, that he and Cas could be friends…his best friend.

He couldn't hide him away. He needed him, needed to know that for some unfathomable reason this angel of the lord, this wavelength of celestial intent, Castiel, Cas, chose Dean. He chose him to be his friend above all else, over his family, over the world.

Sammy was his baby brother, his responsibility, his friend, hunting partner, but Cas...he chose Dean and Dean chose him.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

It was December,  
Cold,  
Barren,  
Dead,  
Peaceful.

The bunker was a cozy haven.

Sam had his nose in some dusty old book, drinking hot tea, and running his fingers through his hair, long limbs splayed out.

Cas was bingeing Netflix with an intensity in his face that didn't match the way his body was now relaxed, human almost, the vessel that was solely his and that he had finally settled into.

Baby was in the garage, tuned up, gassed up, waxed, and ready to roll.

Dean puttered about, laundry and cooking filling his downtime. The smells of fabric softener and fresh coffee wrapped his bones in a warmth that he'd never known before. He drank less, slept more than four hours at night, and hummed to himself while he made omelettes, grilled cheese sandwiches, and burgers...comfort food for his family.

It was December and that meant Christmas. Dean always wanted a real Christmas with snow falling outside, a tree with lights, and presents...real presents...wrapped in colorful paper, not candy bars and skin mags from the gas station. He wanted sweaters, Christmas movies, and hot cocoa with marshmallows.

He looked at his family, Sammy and Cas...

He just wanted one Christmas. He knew he probably didn't deserve it, maybe none of them did, but they were learning how to communicate with each other, to stop blaming themselves for the fucked up world. Maybe they could just have this one thing. Maybe he could make it happen.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"I'm going on a grocery run," Dean announced.

Sam just muttered something about the list on the fridge and buried himself back into his book.

Cas paused his show, "I could come with you."

"Well grab a coat then...it's freezing outside." Dean grabbed his jacket and headed towards the garage. He heard Cas get up, the rustle of his trench coat as he pulled it on, his footsteps as he followed dean through the bunker.

They drove in silence. Dean made it exactly 2.7 miles down the road before he reached over to turn on the radio...Spanish station, pop music, and then, on his third attempt, it happened...Christmas music. He settled back and tapped his thumb to the beat. He snuck a peak at Cas, startled to see him with a semi smile on his dry plush lips. That little smile made his heart pound.

Dean grinned...  
Christmas,  
Peace on earth,  
Good will toward men.

They could do this.  
They were doing this.

He saw a Christmas tree lot and pulled in…

"Cas?"

"Yes, Dean?"

"How big of a tree do you think we could fit in the bunker library?"

Cas FUCKING grinned at him, "At least one as tall as Sam."

They wandered around the lot...  
Tall skinny trees,  
Round full trees,  
Even a couple ratty looking Charlie Brown trees.  
And then Cas stopped, a six and a half foot blue spruce...not too tall, not too full...it was perfect.

"This one, Cas?"

Cas just nodded his head, his blue eyes wide, cheeks flushed from the cold.

Dean waved over to the cranky looking teenage boy that was working the lot, "We'll take this one." He didn't care that the family standing five feet away were eyeballing him and Cas. He didn't care that the tree was pretty damn expensive. He didn't care that the teen rolled his eyes. He was getting a real tree, with Cas, for Christmas.

They left the lot with an overpriced tree stand in the trunk and a six foot tree strapped over the roof, two grown men...well, one man and one angel...smiling like little kids over a tree.

They drove to one of those super stores with groceries and everything else you could possibly want.

Cas looked a bit concerned as they parked in the nearly full parking lot, "Will the tree be safe? Won't someone steal it?"

Dean laughed, "It took you, me, and that surly kid to get it on the roof...it'll be fine."

They each grabbed a cart and Dean headed straight for the seasonal area, Cas looking around at everyone and everything as he lagged behind. They filled Dean’s cart with lights and shiny glass balls and silver tinsel.

Cas picked up cartoon ornaments and put them back down, he found stars covered in glitter that rubbed off on his hand as he turned them to watch the way the light caught and sparkled. Dean just snatched them from his hand and put them in the cart.

They found Star Wars ornaments that Dean HAD TO have, and Harry Potter ornaments that Cas insisted Sam would love. Then Dean saw Cas pick up a box tucked back on a shelf. He heard the audible intake of breath as Cas turned toward him holding the box...six little glass bees nestled in plastic to keep them from breaking, the box had a busted corner but the bees were intact.

Cas would never ask for material things. He didn't even ask for things when he was human. Dean could see the want in his eyes, the unspoken question on his lips. He reached for the box, their fingers grazing as Cas handed it to him.

"Star Wars, Harry Potter, and Christmas bees...this tree is gonna be awesome!" Dean smiled and pointed at the tree toppers "Now, angel or star?"

Cas didn't hesitate, he grabbed a gold and silver star with white lights, "We are not shoving the top of our tree up some tacky angel’s ass."

Dean laughed so hard he choked and Cas just glared at the angel tree toppers as they made their way out of the aisle.

They wandered through the store filling the second cart with laundry detergent, paper towels, toilet paper, and enough groceries for a month. Dean even made sure he got all the organic hippy granola shit that Sam put on the list, the expensive coffee that Cas seemed to favor, and cocoa and big marshmallows so he could make them all real hot cocoa, not that powdered shit that came in little packets with those hard dried out marshmallows.

Real hot cocoa...Dean’s mouth was watering as they headed to the checkout. Cas was in front of him looking for an open lane. He stopped short so fast that Dean almost plowed into him. The endcap by the checkout had candy canes, traditional red & white striped peppermint, rainbow colored fruit flavored, root beer, and orange creamsicle.

Cas was in a trance, "Dean, these are necessary for Christmas, aren't they?"

Dean bit his lip to keep from laughing, "Yes, Cas. Candy canes are absolutely necessary for Christmas, but..." His diatribe about only getting "real" candy canes was cut off by Cas grabbing a box of each flavor and putting them into the cart. Dean swallowed back his comments about candy canes and started loading their stuff onto the checkout.

Dean maxed out one of his fraudulent credit cards paying for all the shit they bought, but he didn't give a fuck. He might have to go out and hustle some pool for next month’s groceries but it was totally worth it.

He and Cas filled the trunk and the back seat with bag after bag of decorations and groceries.  
It was dark out now and the temperature had dropped at least 10 degrees since they left the bunker.

Cas tilted his head and breathed in through his nose, "It's going to snow."


	2. SAM

Sam barely registered his brother and Cas leaving the bunker. He was in the middle of a really juicy chapter when Dean said something about shopping. Dean might play off his guilty pleasures as anime porn and Spanish telenovelas, but Sam knew the truth about his brother’s true guilty pleasure, chick flicks. He also knew if Dean ever found out that the dusty old books Sam was currently reading were not lore books but a set of trashy romance novels he found in one of the men of letters bedrooms, he would never hear the end of it. 

He must of have been around thirteen when he discovered the pure joy of reading through a book that was nothing but fantasy, and all those heaving bosoms and quivering thighs held a certain appeal that Dean’s nudie mags never had. 

Sure, sometimes he wanted to cry over the historical inaccuracies, but usually he just skimmed over those parts and got to the really good bits. This particular set of stories was historically factual and Sam had a feeling that maybe one of the men of letters may have written them. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Lord Edgewater had his face buried beneath the upstairs maid’s dress when Sam heard the bunker door bang open. A freezing cold draft of air accompanied Dean’s loud “Bitch, put the book down and help carry shit!”

His brother and Cas had their hands loaded down with plastic bags so overfilled they looked like they would split open and spill their contents all over the place. “I thought you were going grocery shopping? What the hell did you buy?” 

Cas smiled at him as he followed Dean towards the kitchen, “We bought Christmas, Sam.”

Sam had no idea what that meant but he pulled on his jacket and went out to the car anyway. He stopped and stared at his brother’s beloved car that was still filled with bags and had a tree strapped to the roof. Dean must have lost his damn mind. Didn’t he realize that tree sap was going to fuck up his paint job?

“Quit staring and start carrying!” Dean yelled as he came up behind Sam. “We have to unload the car so we can bring the tree in.”

Sam just stood there as Dean shoved past him and started handing him bags to carry. Maybe Dean wasn’t the one losing his grip on reality. Maybe Sam was dreaming. “Dean, why is there a tree on your car?”

Dean looked at Sam like he just asked him if you needed to decapitate a vampire to kill it. “It’s a Christmas tree, Sammy.”

Sam gave his brother his best bitch face, “I know it’s a Christmas tree, jackass. Why did you buy one? And more importantly, you do realize it’s probably scratching the hell out of your roof?”

Dean fidgeted with the bags in his hand for a second, “I want to have a real Christmas, Sam, just this once. Please.”

It was the soft “please” that broke Sam’s heart. He thought it was a bit silly for two grown men and an angel to celebrate Christmas but if that’s what would make Dean happy then he would suck it up and be festive.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The next hour was a blur of putting groceries away and Dean and Cas debating for a full fifteen minutes over the placement of the tree. Sam just unloaded bags and took orders from the two of them. He thought he might be in a bit of shock over the whole thing.

Dean threw on a pot of chili while Cas and Sam opened all the decoration packages. Cas showed him the ornaments they picked out and then he decided that they needed to taste all the different flavors of candy canes. Sam was eating his second root beer flavored cane and putting the final strand of lights on when Christmas music started blaring from his laptop. He turned around to see his brother dancing towards them with a santa hat on. 

Dean starting singing along to the music as he shimmied his way over to help Cas put glittery stars on the tree, “I don't want a lot for Christmas...there is just one thing I need...I just want a dark haired angel, decorating Christmas trees…”

Sam laughed at his brother being a goofball and started singing along as the three of them decorated the tree. They finished the tree and Dean declared it was movie and chili night and forced them to watch the Muppets version of “The Christmas Carol.” Cas actually got teary eyed while Sam blamed his sniffle on the amount of spices Dean used in the chili. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Sam woke up the next morning and wandered into the kitchen to find Cas drinking coffee and reading the book Sam had abandoned the night before.

“Good morning, Sam.”

“Um, you too, Cas. Is that my book?” Sam could feel the heat creep up his neck and turned to pour his coffee hoping Cas wouldn’t notice him blushing.

“I believe it is. Lord Edgewater certainly gets around, doesn’t he?”

“Oh god! Please don’t tell Dean I’m reading victorian smut. I’ll do anything. I’ll do dishes for a month. I’ll let you ride shotgun forever. Just PLEASE do not tell my brother.”

“Anything?”

“Yes, whatever you want.”

“Can we go find ugly Christmas sweaters and buy presents?”

“You want to wear ugly Christmas sweaters?”

And that was how Sam found himself shopping with an angel in a giant thrift store in search of the perfect ugly Christmas sweater.


	3. CASTIEL

First there was a tree and decorations and sticky sweet candy canes that tasted of peppermint, and then there were silly movies with puppets that talked of the spirit of giving. Castiel absorbed every nuance of these moments. He studied the smiles that lit up the faces of his chosen family. He wanted these moments to be the ones that would someday flash in his mind when the last bit of his grace fizzled out and he disappeared into the aether. 

The night that he and Dean brought home a Christmas tree was the first time he felt some of the guilt he carried lift away as if by a magic spell, and he wondered if perhaps that was the magic of Christmas. 

Modern day Christmas was the strange holiday spawned by ancient celebrations of the winter solstice, pagan yuletide, the historically inaccurate birth of Jesus, and an amalgamation of pop culture writings and movies. He spent that night basking in the glow of the lights and researching the modern Christmas traditions. There were poems and stories and songs that sparked a longing in him. He never had much use for the minutiae of humanity until he saw the sparkle in Dean’s eyes when the three of them were decorating the tree.

It was that sparkle that fueled his desire to make this Christmas one that they would never forget. No matter what monsters might be in their future, he wanted to give the gift of the magic of this holiday to Dean and Sam. He wanted to give them peace on earth even if it was only for a few brief days.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

He realized that he had essentially blackmailed poor Sam to help him find ugly sweaters and to take him shopping for presents but he found it so amusing that Sam would be embarrassed to be caught reading romance novels. The content was no worse than the movies Dean watched when he was by himself. 

“Cas?”

“Yes, Sam?”

“I think I might have hit the ugly sweater jackpot over here.”

Cas turned around to see Sam holding up a hideous red sweater with snowflakes and a giant tree on the front of it. It was perfect. He rushed over to see what other treasures were on the rack. He and Sam found three ugly sweaters and some classic rock records for Dean. They also found a plaid tree skirt that Sam insisted would make their tree look better.

While Sam was trying on jeans in the dressing room, Castiel found a stack of books labeled “Harlequin Romance” that judging from the covers would be the perfect gift for Sam. The lady at the register told him they were steamy and she winked at him as she double bagged them so Sam wouldn’t see his surprise. Castiel was very pleased with his holiday gift purchases.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

When they got back to the bunker Dean was making cookies shaped like little men and the whole kitchen smelled of ginger and spice. He laughed when Sam pulled out their sweaters and promised to wash them so they could wear them on Christmas.

The days before Christmas passed by quickly as the three of them watched countless holiday movies. Dean made cookies and fudge and something he called rum balls that Cas devoured because they didn’t taste like molecules. 

They went outside when it snowed on Christmas Eve and made a snowman. Dean threw a ball of snow at Sam and then they started wrestling each other until Cas threw some rather sizeable clumps of snow on top of them. They chased him down and Dean tackled him into the snowman while Sam just laughed until he fell over. 

Dean kept teasing Cas about being a snow angel but stopped when they went inside to warm up. Dean made them all hot cocoa with marshmallows and popcorn and they watched a movie about a kid named Ralphie that had an obsession with BB guns.

“I know you don’t sleep Cas, but if you lay down in your room and at least pretend to be asleep maybe Santa will put a present under the tree for you.” Dean said as he was checking the lock on the bunker door before he went to bed. “And I promise we’ll watch the greatest Christmas movie of all time.”

Sam threw popcorn at his brother, “Die Hard is not the greatest Christmas movie of all time.”

“Don’t listen to him, Cas. His favorite Christmas movie is ELF.”

“Is not! ‘It’s a Wonderful Life’ is the greatest Christmas movie of all time.”

“Really Sam? ‘Every time a bell rings, an angel gets their wings.’ I think not.”

“Sam, I can assure you that is not how we get our wings.” Cas really needed to write down the truth about angels for Sam if that was what he believed.

“Okay, that’s enough of this conversation. Everyone needs to go to sleep or Santa won’t come.” Dean unplugged the lights on the tree and raised his eyebrow as though Cas and Sam were naughty children.

They all drifted off into their bedrooms and Cas laid on his bed waiting until the bunker was silent so he could sneak his gifts for Dean and Sam underneath the tree. He heard Sam open his door and close it a few minutes later. He waited for about ten minutes and then he got up to get the packages he had wrapped earlier that day. He was just about to open his door when he heard Dean open his door and sneak by. He waited until he heard Dean go back into his room and then he quickly and quietly slunk down the hall. There were already a few presents under the tree and to his surprise a couple had his name written on them. He added his gifts to the pile and crept back into his room. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Cas heard Dean wake up and walk towards the kitchen so he got up and put on his freshly washed ugly sweater. Dean used something when he did the laundry that made everything soft and smell like home. He didn’t understand how a chemical fragrance could smell like home but maybe it was because it made the clothes smell like Dean. 

He headed into the kitchen for a cup of the coffee he knew Dean was already brewing.

Dean was standing next to the coffee maker in a green sweater with reindeer all over it holding out a mug of coffee, “Merry Christmas, Sunshine.”

It wouldn’t matter what presents were under the tree or which Christmas movie was the greatest one of all, Cas felt the Christmas magic wrap around him when he heard those three little words directed at him. He knew in that split second that his greatest memory would be the smile on Dean’s face and in his eyes that Christmas morning.


End file.
